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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

God & God Alone

 As I sit here to the background music of 3 puppies playing, at first it was funny, now, its getting annoying, the younger ones have a high pitched sounds, and the older one sounds like a lion, the only smart one is Sammy, the Furball Yorkie, he is sitting on his thrown, the top of the couch, chewing away on his bone. He knows when to pick his battles, and he knows to stay away from situations that upset him, so today, I am taking a page from Sir Samelots book. Most dogs are very intelligent, they just don't just get the credit. 
 when I honestly think about it, if we lived with the same philosophy as a dog does, we wouldn't be half stressed!
 Yesterday was a bad day, today, even worse, I will right now focus on the good, I got a lot of feedback from so many of you, and I appreciated it very much, and it validated what I felt, so thank you!!!
 Yesterdays vicious email from my daughter called for me to never utter her childrens names again, because I would NEVER have those grandchildren. And by your advice, there was something about saying it out loud on the blog, that helped me to let go and today, I felt peace about moving on,
 Todays vicious email came from the ex husband, , and it was so hurtful & verbally abusive, ruined hours of my day, this is definitely something I need to work on, letting him have that kind of control over me.
 The bottom line, is we don't get to chose our family, we do chose our friends, and those people love you unconditional, and most family members do love you unconditionally too, and that would be a wonderful feeling, unfortunately, when I decided to divorce Mowbray, he decided he was going to devide the family and he did just that, in todays email, he referred to Jenn & Daniel as the chosen ones!! Mind you, I DO NOT respond to any of these emails, nor do I intend to, and I will NOT stop blogging on his orders, either!
 I am not sure where this journey of this blended family is going to take us, and I feel like I have come so far this past year, and I would hate to see Mowbray ruin it, but, after all how naive could I be? Here I thought when we all got together it was an act of God, well guess what it was God's enemy that was in control, not God.I guess I forgot how brutal someone can be, how they can tare you up with their tongue in 5 minutes, and bring you right back to the place where you used to live, as a battered woman
 I so wish he never moved back to Phoenix!
 And as MUCH, and Oh GOD, it hurts more than I can put into words, it is time to step back & out of Megan & Scottie's life, for the sake of my 2 children that I am still raising, and for the sake of my family, that have been thriving well.
 The sky is blue, nice wind blowing, and comfortable temperatures, I have wasted almost all of this gorgeous day on a man I call MY EX husband of 19 years, and the hard part 2 grandchildren & 2 children, now that is a hard pill to swallow, but, it is one I need to swallow, because I must to survive, Please pray for strength for me to do this, and for my ex to stop harassing me!

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